The day I wrote a poem.

Honestly, it felt weird, alien, and quite corny. I had yet to understand the outlet that I had just uncovered. I found that everything I really didn't know how to say, I could write. I fell into a frenzy of writing, relentlessly diving into concepts, exploring parts of myself that no one had ever seen.

Every time I wrote, a new layer of my shell was shed; I felt like I was growing and that everything was beginning to make sense, I discovered poets that enchanted my imagination, and the world was filled with a beautiful warm glow that felt yellow. I found a sanctuary in between the margins of my little poem book.

I finally built up the courage after a conversation with my best friend; she advised me that if I felt like this was for me, I needed to try at least. What resort did I have left at that point besides allowing everyone in and sharing with the world what I had kept hidden for the longest time? I took all the poems I had written and added a couple more to create a writing account.

Now, I stand on the edge of the rubicon, an opportunity to publish a collection of 50 odd poems of my own. The funny thing is I'm not really sure if I can do it… why am I not throwing myself into the opportunity? Is it self doubt? Am I just not ready to let the world in? Maybe I'm still fighting the denial. Introspection is the answer, isn't it? I have to look into myself and see whether I love this or not right.

I want to let my thoughts go, but I'm not sure I'm okay with the idea of everyone knowing what I think. The paradox I'm stuck in has left me sleepless. Those lengthy nights swimming in contemplation have not drawn me to a conclusive answer, but I believed that I could write my way to the answer.

Until I found a quote by Ernest Hemingway; I know, cliche, right. It reads as follows “ Write hard and clear about what hurts.” and in those simple words, I found the answer to why I write poems; it gives me clarity. The first poem I ever wrote gave me clarity about how much I love the universe. Subsequent poems allowed me to discuss death, heartbreak, and parts of the human experience.

I think that it would be remiss of me not to share this with the world cause, just as these poems gave me clarity and peace, someone else might find solace in the space in between the lines. The day I wrote my first poem was also the same day I really found out who I was. on that day, I began to feel again, to exist again.

If it makes you feel something, you need to do it; that is what my first ever poem taught me. I've been feeling ever since.